Written by Antonia Ferraro for The Momtropolis. Originally published on March 21st, 2017.
“According to Cindy Gallop, “You cannot begin talking about sex too early,” and porn must be part of that discussion. She offered this bit of unexpected parenting advice while speaking to Julie Scelfo, author of The Women Who Made New York at the Brooklyn Historical Society. Gallop is the Founder of Make Love Not Porn, a sort of Facebook for real world sex. Fans of Gallop know she is a wealth of insight on gender and diversity—well loved for her frequent challenges to the “closed loop of white guys talking to white guys about other white guys” that is the corporate hive-mind. Speaking to Scelfo, the sex tech founder illuminated the issues that drove her to create a hub for what she refers to as the Social Sex Revolution, which gave rise to a discussion about children inadvertently accessing porn online. Scelfo revealed that her own young sons accidentally glimpsed porn online during a play date. It was the kind of awkward situation that parents dread, but Gallop realizes is inevitable. Cindy Gallop feels parents must proactively address the issue of porn.
If this is news to you, you’re not alone. The thought of speaking to my children about porn had never crossed my mind! But Gallop made the compelling argument that viewing porn, “Can’t be stopped. They stumble upon it!” To combat the prevalence of online porn Gallop simply recommends one micro-action—”Start talking about sex!” Like alternative facts, porn is not going away, so parents have to debunk it for young minds. After all, porn is fake sex.
So I decided to put this micro-action to work by asking moms about porn throughout my ordinary social interactions. I’d ask them at playdates, online parenting groups, after-school pick up and it was just the epic PR failure I expected. I casually asked a kindergarten mom when she planned to discuss porn, she jumped back and quickly responded, “NEVER!” This topic can’t be discussed casually. People need context for such an inherently disturbing question, especially for parents of small children. However, I managed to save the conversation, when I mentioned seeing the stuff was inevitable. The parent rethought her response. She knew porn was distorting young male perspectives and wished there were more depictions of “real sex.” That’s when I told her about MakeLoveNotPorn.tv.”
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