Written by Clarisse Thorn for The Good Men Project. Originally published May 20, 2011.
There’s this cultural image of what it means to be female, and good in bed. The image includes being young and thin and cisgendered of course, and that can be problematic. But it also includes a lot of behavioral stuff: the way you squirm, the way you moan, being Super Excited about everything the guy wants to do, and Always Being Up for It—whatever “It” is. When people think about “good in bed,” for a woman, that’s often what they think.
Here’s a short list of some things I think are totally awesome:
- Squirming and moaning during sex in a genuine way, out of genuine pleasure!
- Acting Super Excited when your partner wants to do something you’re actually Super Excited about!
- Being up for sexual experimentation and trying new things, while keeping track of your boundaries and saying no (or calling your safe word) to sexual things you really don’t like!
Those things are great. They’re great when they happen in all kinds of sex, and I have no problem with how people experience or deal with with those things—whether people get them from vanilla or S&M sex, or porn, or sex with multiple people, or queer sex, or whatever. All consensual sex is fine with me. (In particular, in pieces like the one you’re about to read, I often have to make it really clear that I’m not anti-porn. OK? I’m not anti-porn. Got that? Say it with me now: Clarisse Thorn is not anti-porn. Yay, it rhymes!)
What scares me, however, what continuously gets my goat, what still occasionally makes me feel weird about sex—is how easy it is to perform those three things I listed above.
Read the rest here.
